Metal Gear Solid 2 Funny Quotes
- Pressing R1 or R2 during a Codec sequence plays a brief audio snippet of Snake or Raiden's thoughts on the current matter, with R1 being a positive and R2 being a negative. They're random, but the funniest to get is Raiden's "Whatever!" upon hitting R2. Players can make a game out of pressing the R2 button as Raiden, and upon hearing him shout "Whatever!", immediately skip that entire Codec sequence.
- Even better is that these positive and negative thoughts are recycled between characters—nothing beats hearing Olga talking at length and finding that Raiden's thinking "I love you~".
- The best timed "Why don't you do it?" in all of MGS2 (starts at 1:29).
- Commandant Dolph being thoroughly unimpressed by Colonel Gurlukovich's Motive Rant.
Gurlukovich: After the Cold War ended, my home was bought out by the Americans.
Dolph: Is there a point to this sad story?
Gurlukovich: (angrily) Not one that you would understand! - "There's a terminal near the elevator: a node." "Did you say "nerd"?" "Not "nerd", "node." "Oh."
- Gets a Call-Back in Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, with Doktor telling Raiden to "take a DOOMP" and getting misinterpreted (it's a data retrieval process).
- Anything Johnny Sasaki says in this one.
- Especially when he tries to appear cool to Emma (see below).
- Distracting the guards with naughty magazines.
- For added hilarity, point the directional microphone at them.
- Raiden disses The Box™.
Raiden: Pliskin, I saw someone wearing a cardboard box just now...?
Pliskin: A box? I don't know anything about that. You sure you weren't imagining things?
Raiden: Of course I'm sure. Do you think it's one of the members of Dead Cell?
Pliskin: How should I know?
Raiden: I don't want to fight someone like that.
Pliskin: Why not?
Raiden: Because it looks so dumb. Anyone who's willing to be seen like that must be completely insane. I mean, he's a psycho; there's no question about it.
Pliskin: Um, yeah...- Later, when you get the box, Snake goes on a tirade about how the cardboard box is the most essential and useful tool in an infiltration mission.
Pliskin: Look, I'm not exaggerating when I say the success of your mission hinges on how you use that cardboard box.
- If you listen to Raiden carefully, it sounds like he regrets dissing it earlier.
- Also, if you ruin his box, he'll get angry at Raiden for ruining it. "You know, I've lost a couple, thanks to you."
- Later, when you get the box, Snake goes on a tirade about how the cardboard box is the most essential and useful tool in an infiltration mission.
- It's actually possible to get peed on at one point. Have a codec call right afterwards, and Campbell will apologize. Then Rose will say that it's okay, but that Raiden has to promise to take a shower as soon as he gets back.
Colonel: Ugh... Raiden, my sympathies. Sneaking missions are called "wetworks" for a reason, after all.
- And before that, there's a short cutscene of the guard in question's Potty Emergency:
Guard: Ugh! Oh! I'm going to go in my pants... Nobody's looking, right?
- And before that, there's a short cutscene of the guard in question's Potty Emergency:
- Use the directional mic on E.E. when she's crossing the struts, then call her after that. After that, she runs into Johnny Sasaki and Hilarity Ensues. Also, try shooting the cardboard box that you see between the struts, using the codec when you're in the bathroom, messing with the projectors in the Tanker, talking to Otacon (and later Snake) about Pentazemin to cure seasickness, etc.
Johnny: "Stay away from good-looking women when you're fighting. Otherwise you'll get hit with diarrhea."
- If you listen to Emma at the right moment, you can hear her talking to herself about Raiden, saying that he's "easy on the eyes", but that she's weirded out by his hair. Have a codec call with her right afterwards, and Raiden will confirm that his hair is in fact not a wig.
- Add one of the actual wigs you can unlock in the game and it's funnier.
- If you point the mic at Snake, he contemplates whether he should ask for Otacon's permission to date Emma.
- If you listen to Emma at the right moment, you can hear her talking to herself about Raiden, saying that he's "easy on the eyes", but that she's weirded out by his hair. Have a codec call with her right afterwards, and Raiden will confirm that his hair is in fact not a wig.
- Particular mention to Otacon reading Chinese proverbs. He's trying to motivate Snake like Mei Ling did, but it becomes quickly obvious that not only has Otacon never looked at the proverbs before the calls, he also has no idea what they actually mean.
- Many of the AI Colonel Codec calls, including this infamous one:
AI Colonel: I hear it's amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space, with the tuning fork, does a raw blink on Hara-kiri note (said as "Harry-Kerry") Rock. I need scissors! 61!
- From Substance, there's the Snake Tale "External Gazer", which already has a Mind Screw plot about mythical sea monsters and virtual reality missions before the kicker: forcing Snake to play as Raiden as Cool and Unusual Punishment, with his only hope of survival being to Rage Quit.
- The recap section tells us of the investigator Gary McGolden, and his research into Shadow Moses. However, his exploits are completely hilarious, including swimming 20 miles in an arctic ocean disguised a giant tuna, and the implication that he actually ended up on a different island without realizing it.
- Using the camera to take photos of the more fanservicey things results in Otacon chiding you for doing it, while making a back up of them, just in case. Also, if you take a picture of the Raven figure or one of the male pinups, Otacon will question Snake's sexuality.
- This, along with the Codec calls from when Raiden is in the various bathrooms, are found in this video. The best one is Pliskin being fine with it, saying "anything goes".
- If you use the Codec while hiding in a locker with a pinup poster, Snake will be, er, playing with his "solid snake".
- If you tap a pinup poster's boobs, it will make a bouncy sound. And if you tap a certain other area, it'll automatically trigger an alert.
- When looking at a picture of an attractive woman as Raiden, then calling the Colonel, he and Rose will get angry at Raiden for "drooling over voluptuous girls". Then we get this gem from Rose:
Rose: At least use a picture of me instead!
Raiden: Wha— I— What?!
Rose: I mean--!
Colonel: I completely disapprove!- Enter enough codec calls as Raiden while standing in front of a toilet or urinal, and...
- The Colonel's "conversation" with you if you snap a pic of Jennifer's underwear.
- This, along with the Codec calls from when Raiden is in the various bathrooms, are found in this video
- Getting caught in one of the rooms full of Marines.
- Especially if it's by using the projectors.
- There's also a random chance that one or more of them won't be wearing pants.
- Calling Snake when he's knocked out or asleep. Unless you get one of his PTSD dreams.
- Try to shoot Snake while he's sleeping.
- If you're on a playthrough where Snake and Raiden are wearing sunglasses, it's really hard to take any scene seriously.
- When Raiden asks Pliskin about Vamp, we get a several minutes long retelling of Vamp's tragic backstory, including how as a child he was the only survivor of a terrorist bombing at a church and survived a crucifix piercing his heart, and lived for several days by drinking the blood from his family's dead bodies. Raiden asks if that's how Vamp got his codename, and Plisken says, "No, it's because he's bisexual," leaving both Raiden and the player to have a moment of WTF.
- Slipping on bird droppings on the Big Shell.
- If you shoot at some birds on a bridge: "Raiden, do you actually enjoy abusing helpless animals?!"
- Hitting President Johnson with the missile launcher on the Big Shell is usually good for a laugh.
- During that same mission, you can make one of the hostages pee her pants.
- Using the directional mic to the left of Ocelot and Solidus allows you to eavesdrop on Johnny having a less-than-great time in the bathroom.
Johnny: (in a completely anguished tone of voice) Awww... there's no paper...
- Using the directional mic to the left of Ocelot and Solidus allows you to eavesdrop on Johnny having a less-than-great time in the bathroom.
- During that same mission, you can make one of the hostages pee her pants.
- The "naked Raiden" section is good for several laughs:
- Raiden can't choke enemies or hang from ledges because they require the use of both of his hands, preventing him from preserving his modesty. If you contact the Colonel, he explains that Raiden can't do either because it would result in "...complications", as if he's trying to avoid damaging whatever remains of the fourth wall.
- If you get caught while sneaking around naked in Arsenal Gear, you can run back to the interrogation room and pretend that Raiden is still shackled. This shifts to a view where Raiden's intimate regions are covered by only a straw positioned right in front of the camera. Any guards that follow you in will dismiss the alert, but not before staring and muttering that they "wish I had that..."
- Escorting Emma can be a pain in the butt, and the Colonel can suggest that you knock her out to drag her through the sea lice (or any other dangers that lie ahead). Using the M9 to put Emma to sleep is an obvious choice, but you can also knock her unconscious by punching her. Pistol whipping works too, even if you use the huge and heavy Nikita missile launcher; one swing is enough to knock the poor girl out.
- "WE'VE MANAGED TO AVOID DROWNING"; yes, it's Narm, but it is fucking hysterical, especially Raiden's delivery.
- This moment, where Raiden, in a Codec conversation with Otacon, gets pissed about Snake and trash-talks him. Not realizing, of course, that Snake is right next to Otacon and can hear every word. What makes it even better is that as soon as Otacon reveals that fact, the Codec switches to Snake, perfectly silent with a Death Glare on his face.
Otacon: Ha ha. You know, you're a pretty interesting guy. You're just like Snake said.
Raiden: ...What did he say?
Otacon: That you're a weak, simple-minded, stubborn fool.
Raiden: A— A weak, simple-minded...
Otacon: Ah, don't worry, he didn't mean anything bad by it.
Raiden: "Nothing bad"? What could possibly be worse than that? That lying, useless, backstabbing, mincing son of a—
Otacon: Raiden, I'm his friend. I know him better than anyone else. I know he's not that kind of guy.
Raiden: Yeah, so what?
Otacon: And, by the way... there's one more thing you should probably know about Snake.
Raiden: What?
Otacon: He's right here.
Raiden: ...Next to you?
Otacon: Yep.
Raiden: Did he hear...
Otacon: Every word.
Snake: ...
Raiden: I'm— (sigh) I'm just gonna get back to the mission now... - During one of the Photograph VR Missions, you're instructed to take a photograph of the killer who left a mess of Gurlukovich's troops (including Raiden himself) in the Shell 1 Core conference hall from a selection of people who can be seen beyond a window, showing the most likely culprits... except none of the villains are the culprit, and instead the one responsible is freakin' President James Johnson; he even performs an uncanny backflip when you look at him long enough to provide the extra hint needed to confirm that he's the culprit to boot! The real clue is the best part: every victim is clutching his crotch!
Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/MetalGearSolid2SonsOfLiberty
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